7-thirteen:

So last time I explained why Lady Gaga is the antichrist.

But did you know that Ke$ha is Jesus?

“What?” you ask, “Isn’t Ke$ha waaay different than Jesus?”

Well, take a listen to Tik Tok:

Wake up in the morning, feeling like P. Diddy

P. Diddy is a Christian, and who else can feel like a black man with infinite riches? Jesus. Thus, Ke$ha is Jesus. 

This song is the Jehovah’s Witness’ anthem. Not coming back until they see the sunlight (or Jesus’ enlightenment). 

Ke$ha is Jesus, telling us to not stop, and to have our DJ blow our speakers up, because nobody can shut Christians up. We all know what a DJ is a metaphor for, thanks to P!nk (the DJ is God, fyi)

We then we take a look at her viciously catchy Cannibal. 

Oh, you mean like eating other people?

No. Not eating other people, eating Jesus. 

Christians have this weird fetish in eating Jesus’ body and blood. She sings that we should eat Jesus for breakfast and lunch, meaning that we need Jesus like we need essential meals.

I am a Cannibal? More like, I am a Christian! 

Psh, I don’t buy it, she’s so …. Sleazy.

lol, poor simpleton. Sleazy is a song about taking an oath to not succumb to materialism. No benz, no bougie friends, no love based on diamonds. 

She’ll come over to your place, ONLY if your beats (Religion) is acceptable to her standards. 

*BEER is an acronym for Bibles Ending in Enlightening Raptures*

Speaking of Raptures, Take It Off, another song by Jesus, is definitely about the revelation. She’s celebrating heaven, and how it’ll go back to how the Garden of Eden was. Remember, Adam and Eve were naked before they encountered evil knowledge, but once everything is perfect again, everyone TAKES IT OFF! WOOT! 

Drugs don’t phase Ke$ha. The only high she needs is God’s love. 

I mean who else has a beard other than God? Jesus Christ!

is Ke$ha. 

She’s a great role model for children. Unlike that antichrist Lady Gaga

lol okay, I think you might have a point. But she has songs that don’t make sense like Dino—-

stop. Dinosaur is Ke$ha’s attack to stupid scientists and their fossils. Everyone knows that fossils aren’t real. Just some stupid Harry Potter shit. Scientists are old people, and old people say the darnedest things. 

What about Mr. Watso—

STOP. omg, Listen, before you go insane, go insane, throw some glitter, make it rain, listen to your technology, Atheist. Look, if you type Ke$ha’s name into any iPhone it’ll think that you meant Jesus. 

Computers know what’s up. Ke$ha. the real Jesus. End of Story.

Stick by for next time, when I explain why Katy Perry loves Suicidal Teens!

I have seen the light!! I need some Ke$hup for my sesuj.

Can i do it? Probably. I get bored so i try entertaining myself by posting a theme. Fuck i wish i had some good Easter gifs…

This is the only one i could find. Enjoy.