I cancelled one last week with Shoe Guy ‘cause i wasn’t feeling up to it and then never really bothered rainchecking ‘cause i lost interest. I’m supposed to go out tonight with a black guy, but i’m not feeling up to it again.
The fuck is wrong with me? I want to say it’s ‘cause i don’t even want to bother with these guys who i really have no interest in, but i think it might be plain laziness on my part.
Before, i would i date for the sake of dating. I’m young, i’m supposed to date, and i’ll get some nice things out of it as well as some physical unfness. But now it feels like i’m forcing myself to go out with these guys.
I don’t even go through all the dating worries anymores! Such as wondering what i should wear, what to say, how much physical interractino is permitted, do we kiss, what if he’s stupid, what if his dick looks all weird, would he care if i smoked, etc etc.
I’m so apathetic! I don’t worry about those things ‘cause i frankly don’t care about these guys that i’m dating. I wanna date someone who will make me have those pre-date jitters. Instead, all i worry about is if i’ll be back home in time to watch Degrassi. I need to find more interesting guys.